If you’re squeamish, don’t read this.
Last week, I experienced that most infamous of the 50th year rights of passage – my first colonoscopy. It has capital letters in my head: My First Colonoscopy. Laura’s First Colonoscopy. I won’t say much about it, but I can’t resist saying a little. Here’s what I learned:
- KU Med Center has a beautiful new endoscopy center – only 3 days old when I was there. Still had the grand opening flowers.
- Everyone tells you the prep day “is the worst part.” That’s basically true (although the procedure is pretty bad too), but for me “the prep” went on and on, seeing how I felt sick to my stomach right up until the procedure.
- Why didn’t I think about how shaky I would be from not eating? I guess I thought broth and Popsicles would be enough.
- Drinking a bottle of magnesium citrate is pretty much the same as giving yourself the instant stomach flu. Don’t drink it right before you go into a grocery store. The effects are immediate.
- I knew I was going to poop a lot; I mean, they have you drink your weight in laxatives. But I didn’t realize that my guts would completely liquefy.
- I am now the proud owner of a photo of my ileocecle valve. And some other parts I won’t name. Why do they give you those? I already had proof enough that they’d been there.
- I was NOT completely asleep. As God as my witness, THAT will never happen again.
- Note to self: always have some Depends on hand. Because you never know when you might need them, now that you’re 50…
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