(Look at me blogging again…! For my Facebook friends, this is from my blog is at www.fiftybogue.com.)
Not since the age of 3, when I paraded around the house sporting a dress made of old ruffly white curtains, have I entertained the idea of wearing a traditional wedding gown. I just never saw myself as a traditional bride in any way – and even less now that I’m a plump, 52-year-old bride. I always said that when the time came, I’d “buy the prettiest dress I could find” and have done with it.
OK, so that day came in January and I was at a loss as to how to begin. I went to a place that specializes in high-end plus-size clothing and formal wear and took my good friend Val with me. Of course, there was the obligatory foundation garments to navigate first (the bustier makes the dress – you know that, right?), and then we started trying to figure out what kind of bride I would be. I started trying stuff on and she snapped some pictures so we could look later. That day, I tried on a pretty green gown, a navy gown and some others that just didn’t seem “bridal.” I looked a whole lot more like a mother-of-the-bride than the bride. I decided to try on an actual wedding dress just for shits and grins – when else would I ever…? and that $1500 duponi silk dress was GORGEOUS. I learned the meaning of the word “ruching” that day and why I love it.
After lunch we went to McBridal, uh, I mean David’s Bridal. I meant to mostly look at bridesmaid separates there, since I didn’t want a traditional dress, but totally fell into the estrogen pool that is David’s on a Saturday afternoon. I found myself trying on about 10 wedding gowns and even a veil or two, for crying out loud. For those of you who haven’t spent time at David’s, there are dressing rooms enough for maybe 15-20 brides, each bride gets her own modeling pedestal, and when a girl finds “the dress” they ring a bell and everyone squeals and claps. It was sort of an alien environment for me.
I enjoyed playing around with the white dresses, but still didn’t think it was “me.” The bridesmaid separates weren’t really working either, though. They were much less expensive and you could customize the pieces and order whatever color you want, but you had to try on whatever colors were available on the rack in your size. At one point, I was in a hideous combination of brown skirt and orange top, and Val says, “Hey – ring the bell!” I would have LOVED to upset all the women in the room that way, but couldn’t quite bring myself to do it.
When I got home and printed out the pictures, I showed them to Bruce (yeah, that’s right – I don’t have that superstition). When he saw me in the traditional dresses he stopped and said, “Huh” and kept looking at them. I asked, “Are you thinking I should go with a traditional dress?!” and he said, “Well, they do look the best.”
OK, so that sent me off on a strange journey, questioning my identity, how I feel about traditional wedding stuff, etc. etc. I had already found out that Bruce was tending to be a little more traditional about the wedding than me – he was thinking aisle, tuxedo, string quartet, etc. And I was fine with that. But a big, white dress?! This was mitigated by one fact: so far, the traditional gowns DID look the best on me. They were also way more expensive, had to be ordered, were less comfortable, and needed to have their trains cut off or they’d be impossible to dance in. Plus they weren’t really “ME.” But what was?
I had 4 more outings to traditional wedding shops (one visit involved some merciless corset lacing) and also looked online and did a lot of research on what was available. At some point, I went back to the first shop and found that they had the navy dress from the first day on the rack in my size in GOLD, and that became a strong contender.
In the end, it came down to a lovely $600 ivory wedding gown with a gorgeous, V-backed lace bodice or the gold dress. And guess what? Bruce like the gold dress best, although I was still waffling! In the end, practicality ruled. The gold dress was available off-the-rack (no 12-week waiting period) and was only $300. It’s danceable, can actually be worn again for special occasions and doesn’t need a lot of alteration, plus I get to buy gold shoes.
And it’s more “me” – although I no longer really know what that means.
Here’s a picture of the dress I didn’t buy. No – you don’t get to see the one I’ll be married in. Yet.
